


The Edge of Okay

by paperstorm



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 15:35:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1190448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperstorm/pseuds/paperstorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Too much time apart during the summer hiatus gets to Jared; Jensen makes it better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Edge of Okay

**Author's Note:**

> I have no real information telling me Jared or Jensen even posted under the Ova_anon account. Just a guess.

“Is she asleep?” Danneel asks as Jensen walks into the kitchen.  
  
Jensen nods and tiredly rubs his hands over his face. “She goes down so much easier for you.”  
  
“That’s ‘cause she’s used to me.”  
  
Jensen frowns, and Danni shakes her head quickly, her dark hair swaying around her shoulders.  
  
“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. We just have a little routine, is all. Babies like routines.”  
  
“Right.” Jensen nods and tries to brush off the fact that her words still stung a bit. He’d be here more if he could. If his job and the fact that his marriage isn’t real didn’t make the whole thing so complicated.  
  
Jensen goes into the other room and collapses onto the couch. He turns the TV on and flicks through the channel guide, but he so rarely has time to watch TV that he barely recognizes any of the shows anyway. Except when he comes across an episode of Supernatural from their first season, and that makes Jensen smile. He picks it, smiling even more as the image of him and Jared from nearly ten years ago appears on the screen. They both look so different, but especially Jared. Jensen looks older now, but Jared hardly looks like the same person. Jensen had forgotten about that stupid, Justin Beiber haircut Jared had before Beiber came in and made it cool. He’d forgotten how much he used to make fun of it, and how much he used to long to get his fingers into it, before he was allowed to.  
  
It occurs to him that they wouldn’t have been together yet when this was filmed. He definitely had a thing for his new co-star – probably since about a second after they’d been introduced, actually – but they didn’t become _them_ until a little later. It hits Jensen at an odd angle, to be sitting here looking at a version of himself who didn’t love Jared yet. At least not in the way he does now. Now, Jensen barely knows who he is without Jared.  
  
Their summer break this year has been a lot harder than the ones before it. Two kids, increasing pressure from the studio, and a string of bad luck has meant he’s barely seen Jared in nearly two months. It’s been awful. Jensen misses him like crazy, and the end isn’t in sight yet. As much as he’s loved being around JJ, he’s going to be ridiculously happy when filming starts up again. When he can be back in his house, in his bed, with his man where he belongs.  
  
They’ve had a few nights together since filming ended for the last season, but not nearly enough. Jared came up with the idea to spend Father’s Day together with the kids, take them to the beach or something, and Jensen loved the idea until Genevieve pointed out how _couple-y_ that would look. Jensen hated it, but she was right, so they didn’t do it. Rationally Jensen knows it isn’t her fault, but for a while he sort of resented her for ruining their plans. He thinks Jared did too, even though he knows if they’d gone through with it they might have ended up regretting it.  
  
And then not _too_ long ago, Jared was in Las Vegas for a celebrity poker tournament – finally within driving distance of Jensen’s place in LA – and Jensen hid his face as best he could under sunglasses and a ball cap tugged low on his forehead and drove down to surprise him. He couldn’t figure out how to get a key to Jared’s room without Jared finding out, so he got his own room under a fake name, one of those insane suites that are expensive but worth every penny. Then he called Jason and had him send Jared a text from his phone – _Dude, we’re in the same hotel! Weird!_ – with a room number and an invitation to swing by. Jared knocked on the door expecting an evening of drinking beer and catching up with an old friend, and instead Jensen opened the door in nothing but boxer-briefs and Jared’s face was priceless. His eyes widened to the size of ping-pong balls and he gaped at Jensen in disbelief for half a second before he dove into Jensen’s arms so hard it almost sent them both to the floor.  
  
They spent the night tangled up together in the soft sheets of the king-sized bed. The first time was quick and frenzied and desperate, months of pent-up emotions and deprivation and missing each other making them frantic and impatient and unable to stop kissing even when they couldn’t breathe. The second time was slower, quieter, loving – full of lazy kisses and deep, unhurried thrusts and breathless moans. Jared touched him everywhere, sliding slender, strong fingers over every inch of Jensen he could reach like he wanted to memorize the brail of Jensen’s skin. He wrapped his long legs around Jensen’s waist so Jensen could be buried inside him as deep as humanly possible, and he stared up at Jensen with so much love in his hazel eyes Jensen could have cried. Then Jared fell asleep curled up in Jensen’s arms, and Jensen _did_ cry a little. He pushed his face into Jared’s sweaty hair and a tear or two spilled down his cheeks for how much he’d _missed_ Jared, and how much he hated that he had to leave the next day. Nothing in the world feels more right to Jensen than having Jared in his arms.  
  
It was a night Jensen will never forget, and then it all went to Hell in the morning because, Jensen realized way too late, he’d forgotten to _tell_ Jared he couldn’t stay for more than one night. Jensen was expecting Jared to freak out, but instead he just went quiet and somber, and that was worse. Jensen kissed him and promised he’d call, and Jared had just nodded and watched Jensen pack up and leave like he couldn’t bring himself to care because it would hurt too much.  
  
It broke Jensen’s heart. And, it occurs to him now, he _hasn’t_ called.  
  
Jensen’s cell phone buzzes in his pocket, and he smiles as he digs it out. He goes to swipe it on, fully intending to ask Jared if his ears were burning, but it’s Jason’s name on the screen instead.  
  
“Hey, man, what’s up?”  
  
Jason’s solemn tone is not at all what Jensen was expecting. “Have, um. You seen what Jared posted? On that Ova account you guys have?”  
  
Jensen frowns. “What? No. Why?”  
  
“Get to a computer, man.”  
  
Jensen frowns even more, but he does what Jason said. He goes up to his room, ignoring an inquisitively raised eyebrow from Danni as he passes her in the kitchen, and fishes his laptop out of its protective case. It takes him a minute and a few clicks to get to the website Jason’s talking about, and the sight that meets him almost stops his heart.  
  
  
  
“Oh … my God,” he mumbles, his gut clenching and his stomach rolling.  
  
“That’s what I thought,” Jason agrees. “I haven’t talked to him, I just saw that and … what’s goin’ on with you guys?”  
  
“Nothing, I … I mean, I _think_ nothing,” Jensen stares at the screen and tries not to panic. “It’s been a while since we talked.”  
  
“Guess he’s not takin’ it too well.”  
  
“Fuck,” Jensen mutters, running a hand over his face. “I gotta call him, Jason, I’ll talk to you later, okay?”  
  
“Let me know if he’s alright, yeah?” Jason asks, and Jensen says he will before he hangs up and quickly dials Jared’s number.  
  
Jared answers after five rings, his voice scratchy and thick like he’s been crying and Jensen’s heart just about breaks right in two.  
  
“Jay,” he breathes.  
  
“So you saw it,” Jared concludes. “Guess I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought.”  
  
“Are you okay?” Jensen asks, realizing as the words come out that it’s a colossally stupid question.  
  
“Clearly. Yeah. I’m great. Just tryin’ to get attention.” His words are slurred, and now Jensen thinks he’s more than just upset.  
  
“Are you drunk?”  
  
“Yes!” Jared snaps. “I’m drunk and I miss you and I fucking hate this! I’ve barely seen you in months! It’s been almost two weeks since I talked to you at all! You said, in Vegas, that we were gonna talk every day. You said that. And then you, what, forgot? Got too busy pretendin’ to be the perfect, All-American family to give your sex-on-the-side a fucking call?”  
  
Jensen mentally kicks himself. The truth is, he did forget. He got busy with JJ and Danni and it slipped his mind. He feels like the worlds biggest jerk.  
  
“I’m so sorry. Jared, you are _not_ , you have _never_ been on the side. Okay? Of anything. You’re right at the fucking center of _everything_. I love you so much it’s stupid. I’m so fucking sorry I forgot to call.”  
  
Jared sighs shakily and then there’s rustling in the background like he’s lying down. “S’not your fault. M’sorry, I – I know you’re busy. I know, alright? I just miss you.”  
  
Jensen closes his eyes against the tears burning behind them at hearing Jared so upset. “I know. I miss you like crazy.”  
  
“This pillow still smells like you,” Jared says, and for a moment Jensen’s confused.  
  
“Wait, where are you?”  
  
“Vancouver. In our bed. On your side.”  
  
“Why’re you in Vancouver? I thought you were with Gen.”  
  
“Couldn’t,” Jared mumbles, his voice shaky and sad and dripping with shame. It makes Jensen’s chest hurt.  
  
“Couldn’t what, baby?” Jensen asks gently.  
  
“Just … all of it. Needed to be here.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Jensen already knows the answer, and that almost makes it worse when Jared whispers, “’Cause it’s the only place where things make sense.”  
  
Jensen closes his eyes again, squeezing them shut and refusing to let the tears fall even though the sadness is almost overwhelming. “I’ll be there in a few hours, okay?”  
  
“You don’t hafta do that.”  
  
“Yes I do. No more booze. Drink a bunch of water and go to sleep. I’ll be there when you wake up. I _love_ you, alright?”  
  
He doesn’t wait for Jared’s answer before he hangs up.  
  
____  
  
“What?” Danneel asks accusatorily as soon as Jensen walks into the room.  
  
“What _what_?” he asks, instantly defensive.  
  
“You got that look all over your face. The one that says you have to tell me something I’m not gonna like. Who was on the phone?”  
  
Jensen sighs and silently curses the fact that she knows him that well. “Jared.”  
  
“Should’a guessed that. You’re leaving, aren’t you.”  
  
“Just for a few days,” Jensen says carefully, and Danni huffs and rolls her eyes.  
  
“ _Why_?”  
  
“Because he’s alone and he’s upset and he needs me.”  
  
“Why is he alone? He’s supposed to be with his wife!”  
  
Jensen closes his eyes. “Danni, please. I know this sucks, okay? But – ”  
  
“No, you don’t know anything!” she interrupts, stomping across the room to close the door so she can yell at Jensen without waking JJ. “Look, I get that you don’t love me the way you love him, but we are still your family! You still have a _baby_ upstairs who needs to spend time with her Daddy! You have responsibilities, now, Jensen! You can’t just go gallivanting off to see _him_ every time he has a bad day!”  
  
“You really think I would leave you guys because Jared fucking stubbed his toe or something?” Jensen asks angrily, throwing his arms out to the sides in frustration. “You think I care about you that little? _Think_ for a second! Doesn’t the fact that I’m ditching you guys for him tell you that it’s bad enough that he really needs me to?”  
  
“Yeah, or it’s just been a few weeks since you’ve put your dick in something!”  
  
Jensen’s about to scream at her, but then he stops himself. He takes a deep breath and quietly says, “I know you know that isn’t what this is, and you’re just saying it to piss me off. I love our daughter, Danni. I hate that I have to leave her. But I have responsibilities to Jared too. He’s having a hard time, and he needs me.”  
  
She blinks at him. “Are you serious? That’s what this is? You’re leaving your daughter because he _misses_ you too much?”  
  
Jensen glares at her and doesn’t answer.  
  
“Jesus, I thought you were supposed to be guys! How does he think _I_ feel nine months out of the freakin’ year when you basically ignore me?”  
  
“It’s only a few days,” Jensen says shortly, not willing to get into it with her about everything else.  
  
“Whatever,” she mutters, turning from him and walking away. “Do whatever you want. We both know you’re going to anyway.”  
  
____  
  
There’s a part of Jensen that wants to at least try to make up with Danni before he leaves, but then he doesn’t bother. If she wants to be mad, she can be mad. This whole thing is hard on _all_ of them, and Jensen knows that. But she knew what she was getting into. She hangs around in their room while Jensen packs a suitcase in silence, sitting in the chair in the corner and staring at him like she’s daring him to actually leave, and Jensen didn’t need any more convincing but if he did, she just gave it to him.  
  
He drives to the airport in his usual hat-and-sunglasses get-up so hopefully no one will recognize him, and he manages to book a red-eye to Vancouver and makes it all the way there without his cover being blown. The cab driver does give him a bit of a funny look, but it’s one of those looks like he thinks he’s seen Jensen before but doesn’t know when or where, so Jensen gets all the way from his house in LA to _their_ house in the Vancouver suburb with no camera flashes and no high-pitched squealing. He’s not sure that’s ever happened before, and he’s damn grateful it happened tonight. It’s well after 2 AM by the time he unlocks the door and lugs his suitcase inside, and it’s dark on the main floor. Jensen really hopes Jared’s sleeping.  
  
He locks the door behind him and goes up the stairs after he steps out of his shoes and coat, tiptoeing into their bedroom and breathing a small sigh of relief at the large lump in their bed. Then, when he gets close enough to see through the shadows, his heart clenches again. Jared’s curled up in the middle of the bed with a pillow clutched in his arms that Jensen assumes is his, and what looks like a bunch of Jensen’s t-shirts balled up next to Jared’s head like he wanted to fall asleep with Jensen’s scent in his nose. There’s a full glass of whiskey on the bedside table and an almost-empty bottle beside it, and God, Jensen really hopes that bottle wasn’t full when Jared started tonight.  
  
He blinks back tears again, _hating_ himself for letting it get this far. The fact that Jared would post that on their account, that he would make it so _obvious_ it was him posting when they’ve tried so hard not to do that, shows how upset he was. Jensen feels like it’s all his fault.  
  
Jared looks peaceful in his sleep but somehow still sad, and he’s never supposed to be in this bed alone. They try, and more often than not succeed, to schedule it so that if one of them has to be elsewhere, the other one does too. That way they can fulfill their obligations at the same time and then come back here and be together. It’s been a long time since Jensen’s slept in this bed by himself, and probably the same is true for Jared.  
  
He should probably just climb in beside his boyfriend – his _everything_ – and let him sleep, but he can’t help wanting to see Jared’s eyes, to kiss him, to have Jared awake for even just a few minutes. Jensen kneels down and reaches out a hand, gently running his fingers through Jared’s soft hair. Jared stirs after a moment, blinking sleepily as his eyes slowly focus on Jensen.  
  
“Hey, baby,” Jensen says softly.  
  
Jared stares at him for just a split-second like he’s not sure whether to believe what he’s seeing, and then he fucking _whimpers_ and grabs Jensen, pulling him down onto the bed roughly. Jensen crashes into him so hard it knocks the wind out of him a little, but he doesn’t have time to care about that. His arms are full of Jared in seconds and Jensen gathers him in close and holds him tight. Jared does his best to climb right _into_ Jensen, burying his face in Jensen’s neck and hooking a leg over Jensen’s knees and wrapping his arms around Jensen’s back.  
  
“You’re here.”  
  
“Told you I would be.”  
  
“Jensen,” Jared whispers, shaking his head, and those two, broken syllables say more than Jared could with a million words. It’s all Jensen can do to hold himself together.  
  
“I know,” he whispers back. “M’here, Jay. Go back t’sleep, okay?”  
  
“Love you so much,” Jared mumbles, his voice thick and shaky like he’s in tears again.  
  
Jensen swallows painfully over a lump in his throat and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to remind himself that Jared’s probably still drunk and isn’t really _quite_ as sad as he seems right now. Alcohol makes emotions bigger, especially the bad ones. Jensen kisses Jared’s forehead and then leaves his mouth resting there.  
  
“Me too,” he murmurs. “So God-damn much, Jared. You don’t even know.”  
  
The only answer he gets is the slow, evened-out sound of Jared’s steady breathing. It’s the only answer Jensen thinks he could’ve handled anyway.  
  
____  
  
Jensen wakes up slowly, the sun filtering in through the window and landing in soft lines that warm his face and turn the insides of his eyelids orange. He lets himself float in that cozy, happy, half-asleep place for a minute or two, vaguely aware of Jared’s warmth next to him. Eventually he slowly opens his eyes to find Jared snuggled up next to him, his head on Jensen’s shoulder and his fingers tracing tiny patters over the center of Jensen’s chest. Jensen slides his hand over Jared’s, lacing their fingers together and squeezing gently. He tilts his head to the side to kiss Jared’s forehead.  
  
“Mornin’,” he rasps, his voice scratchy from sleep.  
  
“Hi,” Jared answers softly.  
  
“How long you been awake?”  
  
“Maybe an hour. I got up to piss but then I … I wanted …”  
  
He trails off, but Jensen knows what he means. He lets go of Jared’s hand so he can pull him into a sideways hug. “Glad you did. Love wakin’ up with you.”  
  
Jared turns his face into Jensen’s neck and doesn’t reply. They lie in silence for a while, Jensen holding Jared close and rubbing his thumb in a slow ark over Jared’s upper arm. It’s comfortable and safe and familiar, but there are things hanging unspoken between them right now, too. Things Jensen knows they have to talk about, but doesn’t want to for fear of popping the bubble.  
  
“How you feelin’?” he asks eventually.  
  
“A little hungover,” Jared answers quietly. “And really fuckin’ stupid.”  
  
“Not much you can do about the first one. But the second one … you shouldn’t. Being upset, feelin’ something, that doesn’t make you stupid.”  
  
Jared shrugs and doesn’t respond. At least he’s not pulling away, Jensen thinks. That’s definitely something.  
  
“Was Gen mad that you left?”  
  
“Fucking furious,” Jared mumbles. “Screamed at me the whole time I was packing. Kept trying to shove Tom into my arms, like that would guilt me into staying.”  
  
“Why didn’t it?”  
  
Jared shrugs again, pitifully this time. “I don’t know. I love him. I just couldn’t be there anymore. I don’t belong in that house, you know? M’supposed to be here. With you.”  
  
Jensen nods and kisses the top of Jared’s head. “Yeah. You are.”  
  
“Are you mad at me?” Jared asks, in a small, boyish voice.  
  
Jensen frowns. “Why would I be mad at you?”  
  
“‘Cause I made you come here.”  
  
“You didn’t make me do anything,” Jensen reassures. “I wanted to. God, wanted isn’t even the right word. You really think I could’ve stayed away? You’re the person I love and you’re hurtin’. I _needed_ to be here.”  
  
“‘Cause I totally blew our cover, then. Everyone with a brain is gonna know that post was me. I even said I was listenin’ to your song.”  
  
Jensen presses his lips together and pauses a moment before answering. “Were you?”  
  
“Yeah,” Jared whispers, and Jensen’s heart skips a few beats, but not in a good way. The thought of Jared alone, upset, missing Jensen and listening to him sing; it’s just too much. It makes Jensen happy to know Jared loves him that much, but at the same time almost sadder than he’d been last night.  
  
“Do you do that a lot?”  
  
“Listen to it all the time when we’re apart. Imagine you’re here, singin’ to me.”  
  
Jensen closes his eyes and holds Jared just a little tighter. He nudges Jared’s face with his own so he can rest them together and press a small, soft kiss to Jared’s lips. “Love you.”  
  
“Me too.”  
  
“You didn’t blow anything. We’ve slipped up worse than this before. Some people will figure out it was you, but nothing will change. It never does.”  
  
“What if it did? Would you care?”  
  
The question is way too complicated for Jensen to give a yes or no answer right now. Jared knows that, and Jensen knows he knows it, so Jensen just tells the truth. “The only thing I care about right now is you.”  
  
____  
  
They get up eventually, and Jensen insists on making breakfast even though Jared’s the better cook. Jared is bleary-eyed and his hands are a little shaky and there are dark purple circles under his eyes, and Jensen’s been hungover enough times to know one when he sees one, even if Jared keeps promising that he’s fine. Jensen came here to take care of him, anyway, so that’s what he’s going to do, whether Jared likes it or not.  
  
They eat outside, and thankfully none of their neighbors are in their own backyards so Jensen pulls his lounge chair right up beside Jared’s so he can sit with his right hip touching Jared’s left. He’s going to make it his goal to touch Jared as much as he can while he’s here, for himself as much as Jared. Jensen never really notices how much he misses that until after they’re back together. Whenever they’ve been apart for any significant amount of time, the second they’re alone Jared will pull him into his giant bear-hug, his arms wrapped snug around Jensen’s back, and there’s always this moment where something snaps into place and Jensen feels like he can finally let out the breath he hadn’t noticed he’d been holding since they said goodbye. One time Jared didn’t let go of him for almost ten minutes, and Jensen didn’t mind one bit.  
  
Jared insists on helping clean up, so Jensen doesn’t argue, but every time they pass as they’re clearing plates and loading the dishwasher, Jensen slides his hand over Jared’s lower back or kisses his shoulder. By the time they’re done Jared looks a little bit more human, so Jensen feels like he accomplished something. He sends Jared into the living room while he washes the pans in the sink, and when he’s done he walks into the room to find Jared slumped on the couch, his hands folded in his lap and his eyes focused on them.  
  
“You okay?” Jensen asks quietly.  
  
Jared shrugs and doesn’t answer.  
  
“Wanna talk about it?”  
  
“Why isn’t this affecting you like it is me?” Jared asks, sound annoying with himself over it.   
  
“It is. I miss you every second I’m away from you.”  
  
“Yeah, but you’re not doing _this_.”  
  
Jensen licks his lips and goes over to him, sitting sideways on the couch so he’s pressed up against Jared’s side. “Because that’s how I am. I bury stuff, I don’t wear my feelings on my shirt like you do. Doesn’t mean I don’t go to bed every single night wishing you were there with me. Doesn’t mean I’m not always thinkin’ about you, wantin’ you.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jared mumbles. “I guess.”  
  
Jensen reaches over and brushes the bangs out of Jared’s eyes affectionately. “Everything about you is bigger than the people around you.”  
  
Jared smirks a little and Jensen chuckles and shoves him playfully.  
  
“Shut up, that’s not what I meant. I just mean … you feel happiness like ten times more than other people do. You know that. So it makes sense you’d feel sad that much more too.”  
  
Jared doesn’t answer again. The smile melts off his face and he looks back down at his hands. Jensen slides a hand over Jared’s chest and lets it rest over the center.  
  
“You have the biggest heart of anyone I know, Jay. Everyone you love is so lucky you have so much room in here.” He taps his fingers on Jared’s chest. “But I guess the downside of having such a big heart is … it’s easily broken.”   
  
Jared turns his face away from Jensen, but Jensen cups his cheek and turns it back. There are tears in Jared’s eyes so Jensen leans forward and kisses his eyelids. He leaves his face resting against Jared’s and slides his hand up into Jared’s hair.   
  
“Guess it is a little broken right now,” Jared whispers.  
  
“I know,” Jensen murmurs. “M’so sorry for that.”  
  
“S’not your fault.”  
  
“That’s not why I’m sorry.”   
  
“I was drinkin’ again,” Jared admits quietly. “The last couple weeks. Like before. Think I was really scarin’ Gen.”  
  
Jensen was sort of expecting that but it still sucks to hear. Jared had been in such a low place two summers ago, freaking out about Gen being pregnant and what it would mean for them, that his mom called Jensen from Texas and begged for Jensen’s help. Jensen was on the next plane, and he’s still haunted by the whole thing. Jensen would rather be set on fire than see Jared hurting that much.  
  
“You gotta stop,” is what comes out of Jensen’s mouth, even though it’s maybe not what he meant to say.  
  
“I know. I will. I just spin without you, Jen. It’s stupid. It’s like Sam-and-Dean levels of codependance at this point, but I … when I have to be away from you for more than a day or two, when I have to be in that house with her and pretending to be this perfect little family that we’re not, I just … I lose it.”  
  
Jensen guides Jared’s head in so he’s resting it on Jensen’s shoulder, and Jared slumps against him. “I lose it too. I really do. I’m finally getting some quality time with my kid, I should be happy. I should be enjoying it. But instead I’m just counting the days till I get to see you again. And it’s been even worse this summer than usual, ‘cause most of the time I don’t even know _when_ I’m gonna see you again.”  
  
Jared nods and sniffs.  
  
“So we’ll do better, okay?” Jensen promises, squeezing the back of Jared’s neck. “We _will_ talk every day, and I mean it this time. And we’ll tell the studio we have to see each other at least once a week. No more of this letting weeks go by and havin’ to be grateful when then decide to treat us with a night together. They might be pulling the strings but it’s still our life.”  
  
“Yeah.” Jared kisses Jensen’s neck. “Okay. That sounds good.”  
  
Part of Jensen wants to get into all the other things he knows they need to talk about, but a bigger part of him just wants to give Jared a good day after what was probably a really long run of shitty ones. It would have to have been, to get Jared to a place as dark as he was last night. They can’t really leave the house – too risky, since neither of them are supposed to be here right now. If they were sighted, there wouldn’t be any satisfactory way to explain what they’re doing in Vancouver. So instead they just veg. They play video games and take a shower together and watch a movie wrapped around each other on the couch. Jensen alphabetizes their DVD collection for something to do, and Jared doesn’t really help but he sits on the floor next to Jensen and keeps distracting him by leaning over and brushing their lips together.  
  
There’s barely any food in the house because they emptied it before they left the last time, so they order Chinese for dinner. Jensen has his fingers crossed the delivery guy won’t recognize him, but he’s pretty sure the guy was stoned anyway so it doesn’t matter. They eat outside again, at the table this time, and Jared rests his ankle against Jensen’s.  
  
After they’re finished, Jared pulls Jensen into a kiss in the middle of their patio, and then tugs him inside. Jensen slides his arms around Jared’s neck once they’re through the door, pushing one hand into Jared’s hair and angling his head to kiss him deeper. He licks at Jared’s lips, dipping his tongue inside when Jared opens up for him.  
  
“You taste like sweet-and-sour,” Jensen slurs into the kiss.  
  
Jared grins. “Not for long.”  
  
Jensen shakes his head and chuckles, smiling up at his boyfriend. Jared circles his arms around Jensen’s waist and pulls him in closer. “How can you eat that stuff? You know chicken balls aren’t actually Chinese food, right? They’re like chicken donuts with sugar sauce.”  
  
Jared raises an eyebrow. “Repeat that sentence in your head and remind me why that’s supposed to be a _bad_ thing?”  
  
“Fair enough.”  
  
“Can we go have sex now?”  
  
Jensen laughs again. “Yeah. C’mon.”  
  
Jared takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs, swooping down to kiss him as soon as they get to their bedroom and fumbling with the buttons on Jensen’s shirt. He gets it off and then tries to get himself naked without detaching their lips, which only sort of works. Jensen smiles and shakes his head, trying not to laugh when Jared nearly ends up in a heap on the floor as he tries to get his pants off.  
  
“Shut up,” Jared mutters, then he nods his chin at Jensen. “Way too many clothes, Ackles.”  
  
Jensen sticks his tongue out at him, but then he rids himself of his own clothes just in time for Jared to tackle him onto the mattress. Jared grinds into him while they kiss, his hardening cock rubbing against Jensen’s while delicious sparks crackle in his gut. Jared kisses him until Jensen’s lips go numb and then just keeps going, and Jensen’s short of breath and his head is swimming and his whole world narrows down to just Jared, to the way it feels to be with him like this. It’s so good Jensen honestly doesn’t know how he managed to go so long without it this summer and _not_ end up getting blackout drunk and announcing their relationship to the world like Jared did.  
  
Jensen plants a foot on the mattress and flips them over, rolling his hips into Jared’s because the sensation of their cocks rubbing together is way too good to pass up. He slides his tongue into Jared’s mouth and swirls it against Jared’s. Then he gets up onto his knees and tells Jared, “Lie on your stomach.”  
  
Jared quirks an eyebrow at him and says, “Why?”  
  
“You’ll see,” Jensen says, hopefully seductively, and Jared’s eyes flash darkly for a second so he seems to have succeeded.  
  
Jared flips over onto his front, and then Jensen changes his mind – cupping Jared’s hips in his hands and urging him onto his hands and knees.  
  
Jensen squeezes the cheeks of Jared’s ass, pulling them apart a little as he leans in. He presses a kiss to Jared’s tailbone, then he moves down and just barely licks against Jared’s rim. He teases at it with small, quick swipes of his tongue while Jared fidgets impatiently. When it seems like Jared’s about to start bitching at him, Jensen contracts his tongue to a point and pushes it into Jared’s body as far as he can. Jared exhales in a quick, punched-out huff and slips down to his elbows. Jensen swirls his tongue around inside Jared, his eyes sliding closed at the taste of soap mixed with the familiar taste of Jared. He slides a finger in next to his tongue, tugging at Jared’s rim and then pushing it slowly in and out while he licks around it.  
  
“Fuck, Jensen,” Jared mumbles.  
  
“Gotta get the lube,” Jensen answers, ignoring his own words in favor of pushing his tongue back in Jared’s ass just to hear him moan. “God, love the noises you make.”  
  
Jared chuckles. “Hurry up, then.”  
  
Jensen gets up and goes over to the drawer where they keep it, fishing around for a moment before his fingers find the small plastic tube. He turns back to Jared, who’s rolled onto his side and is looking up at Jensen with heavy-lidded eyes while he slowly strokes his cock.  
  
“Jesus,” Jensen mutters, swells of arousal so powerful they almost knock him over curling in his gut.  
  
“ _Jared_ ,” Jared corrects with a big, goofy smile.  
  
Jensen laughs quietly and shakes his head. He crawls back onto the bed and hovers over Jared, dipping down to kiss him. “You’re funny.”  
  
“Thanks.” Jared holds Jensen’s face in his hand and kisses him harder for a minute.  
  
Jensen breaks away from him and kisses slowly down Jared’s stupidly gorgeous chest, tugging his nipples between his teeth and sliding his tongue through all the ridges of Jared’s abs. He nips at that gorgeous cut of muscle that carves out Jared’s hips when he gets there, purposely ignoring Jared’s hard, leaking cock, just to drive him crazy.  
  
“Turn over,” Jensen says, patting Jared’s thigh.  
  
Jared listens and does it, rolling back onto his stomach. Jensen nudges his hip so Jared gets up to his knees and Jensen settles in behind him. He licks at Jared’s loosened rim a few more times as he pours the lube onto his fingers and spreads it around, and then he pushes two fingers into Jared’s body. Jared hums in approval, and Jensen twists his fingers and spreads them apart a little before going in as deep as he can in search of Jared’s prostate. Jared hums louder when Jensen finds it and presses into it, falling down onto his chest with his ass in the air, perfectly on display for Jensen. Jensen’s cock twitches at the sight and he reaches down with his other hand and loosely circles his fist around it and strokes a few times.  
  
He gets a third finger into Jared, and he kisses the spot just above where his fingers are and whispers, “I love you.”  
  
“Me too,” Jared answers shakily, rocking back against Jensen’s fingers.  
  
“Love the way you taste,” Jensen continues, pressing kisses to the meat of Jared’s ass, the back of his thigh, his lower back, as he lets himself be open enough that hopefully Jared will know how much he means every word. “Love the sound of your voice, the way it slides over me. Love how big you are, that I feel small in your arms. Feel like nothing can touch me when you’re wrapped around me. Love your stupid haircut and your goofy sense of humor. Love how talented you are, fuck Jay, when you do a good scene it gives me chills. Love how much you care about everyone around you, how big that heart of yours is.”  
  
“Jensen,” Jared whimpers – whether it’s from what Jensen’s saying or the way he’s pressing into Jared’s prostate, Jensen doesn’t know. Maybe both.  
  
Jensen pulls his fingers out and fumbles for the lube again, squeezing some onto his palm and smearing it over his cock. He crawls over Jared, draping himself over Jared’s back so he’s basically lying on top of him, and sliding himself slowly into Jared’s slicked hole. When the head of his cock breaches Jared’s body the air in his lungs forces itself out with the weight of a punch, and he drops his head down to the back of Jared’s neck while he slides into the tight, exquisite heat. Jared grunts beneath him and Jensen reminds himself to go slow, but then Jared pushes his hips up and Jensen realizes Jared doesn’t want slow. He pushes in all the way until his balls rest against Jared’s ass. His head spins with how good it feels, how _fucking_ much he’s missed doing this all summer.  
  
“Jen,” Jared breathes, reaching behind himself and pushing weakly at Jensen’s ribcage.  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen answers, squeezing his eyes shut to avoid losing it before they’ve even started. He starts to rock slowly into Jared, his whole body rubbing against Jared’s as he moves. He gets into a rhythm, Jared pushing back as best he can from under Jensen, and it’s perfect. Hot and tight and _perfect_. Jensen noses through Jared’s hair, inhaling him and drowning in every one of his senses being overwhelmed by him. There are times when Jensen can’t even comprehend how much he loves the man beneath him, and this is one of them.  
  
Time dissolves into a place where it’s meaningless, where the only thing that matters is the way his cock feels buried in Jared’s ass, the devastatingly beautiful sounds Jared makes when Jensen nails his prostate, the smell of them together filling up Jensen’s nose and head and heart, mending the holes punched in from all the time they’ve been separated lately. Jensen thrusts into him, his body seeking pleasure and release and his heart looking for a million other things. He kisses the back of Jared’s neck and behind his ear, laves his tongue over the sweaty skin and tries to commit to memory exactly what he tastes like so he can remember it once they have to leave each other again.  
  
“Wait,” Jared says suddenly, and it takes Jensen’s sex-soaked brain a few seconds to recall what that word means.  
  
“What?” he asks, slowing his movements and then stopping altogether when a terrible thought crosses his mind. “Are you okay?”  
  
“What? Yeah, ‘course I am,” Jared answers, like Jensen’s an idiot for thinking otherwise. He cranes his neck so he can look up at Jensen. “Just … wanna see you. When we …”  
  
“Oh.” Jensen gets it, and then he smiles. Reason number ten-thousand-and-whatever that he loves Jared more than he ever has, or will, love anything.  
  
He pulls his cock out as gently as he can and then sits back on his heels so Jared can flip over onto his back. He crawls back up Jared’s body as soon as his head hits the pillows, kissing his chest as he goes until he gets level with Jared’s face.  
  
Jared smiles shyly at him and reaches up to cup Jensen’s cheek in his hand. “Hey.”  
  
Jensen softly brushes the hair out of Jared’s eyes and kisses him again while he lines himself up and pushes his cock back into Jared. Jared lifts his legs up and wraps them around Jensen’s waist, and Jensen thrusts into him, deep and slow and amazing. He feels the stirring in his gut just as Jared whispers, “Gonna,” and Jensen answers, “Me too,” and then slides his tongue into Jared’s mouth.  
  
Jared shoves a hand between them and fists his cock, quick and hard, while he bucks up against Jensen and meets him thrust for thrust. He twitches and groans a minute later, his ass clenching around Jensen’s cock and pulling the orgasm from him too – the pleasure crashing in waves over him that have Jensen’s vision blurring and his skin catching fire. He rocks into Jared as the tremors rack his body, lighting him up inside and wrapping him in warmth and pleasure and Jared.  
  
Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s back when it’s over and pulls him in close, and Jensen happily lies on top of his boyfriend and tucks his head into the crook of Jared’s neck.  
  
“Love you,” Jared whispers, and Jensen hums in agreement.  
  
“Never again, okay?”  
  
“What, sex?” Jared jokes. “M’not sure that’s a good idea.”  
  
Jensen chuckles. “Not sex. The lack of it. And not seeing you for weeks, and all of it. I hate it.”  
  
“Me too.” Jared trails his fingers slowly up and down Jensen’s back, and he shivers. “Thanks for comin’ up here, Jensen. Really, I mean that. I know it couldn’t’ve been easy to leave. So thank you.”  
  
“You know I’d do it every time.”  
  
“I know. I … I didn’t wanna admit it, but I needed this. Needed _you_.”  
  
“Needed you too. Always do.”  
  
“Can we sleep for a while and then do that again?” Jared asks, like there’s a possibility Jensen might say no. As if he ever could.  
  
“It’s been _way_ to long since my ass has had anything in it,” Jensen says as an answer, and Jared laughs.  
  
“Well we’ll have to fix that.”  
  
Jensen lifts his hips up so his mostly-soft cock slips out of Jared’s body, and he considers getting up to get something to clean them up, but then he decides he doesn’t care. It would mean being away from Jared for too long anyway. He rolls onto his back and tugs Jared’s big, warm body into his arms.  
  
Jared snuggles into him and whispers, “Love you,” again.  
  
“Love you too.”


End file.
